There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.