Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.