my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.