She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
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WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.