so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.