Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.