My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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