I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back