Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.

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  (573): I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/5d16
  Replies (31) Good night (1045) Bad night (3739) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning

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  (323): dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning http://tfl.nu/bjxg
  Replies (6) Good night (2917) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass

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  (609): Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass http://tfl.nu/qqts
  Replies (19) Good night (5071) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  the room spins SO much faster in panama

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  (513): the room spins SO much faster in panama http://tfl.nu/zlx7
  Replies (5) Good night (2386) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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  (218): i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me http://tfl.nu/gpjb
  Replies (19) Good night (1228) Bad night (5070) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water

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  (604): every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water http://tfl.nu/5vey
  Replies (8) Good night (3158) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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  (831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9
  Replies (20) Good night (6298) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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  (918): Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub http://tfl.nu/8dtz
  Replies (8) Good night (1933) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.

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  (724): Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately. http://tfl.nu/qxtl
  Replies (8) Good night (2248) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.

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  (860): My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck. http://tfl.nu/363f
  Replies (11) Good night (1689) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?

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  (860): i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet? http://tfl.nu/i7et
  Replies (7) Good night (903) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head

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  (703): His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head http://tfl.nu/cxta
  Replies (10) Good night (428) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party

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  (310): I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party http://tfl.nu/6q7p
  Replies (2) Good night (1015) Bad night (584)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  That is awesome that you did that.

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  (508): I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity (1-508): That is awesome that you did that. http://tfl.nu/1wsl
  Replies (12) Good night (1454) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm on the job.

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  (812): The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory. (503): I'm on the job. http://tfl.nu/qjws
  Replies (6) Good night (830) Bad night (147)

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