My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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