life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
