Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
