In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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