I just saw a hot homeless man
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its liver damage thursday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
