Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
