I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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