Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize