You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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