She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
