Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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