Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
