Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
