I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
