Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
