JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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