I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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