I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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