I would go down on you faster than GM stock
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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