next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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