I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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