i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
