She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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