Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
