Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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