eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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