Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I love you.
Bad choice
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