dude i'm inner monologue high
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
