i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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