kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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