:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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