I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
