I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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