The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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