He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
