I swear god or herbie drove my car home
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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