Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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