youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
