I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
