I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
