neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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