So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
