I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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