Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
