I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
