He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
