Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
