I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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