i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
