When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A+ Viking dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
