I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How external is "for external use only"?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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