You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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