Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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