Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
