This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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