this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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