Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Two words: blizzard sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
