and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
