So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
organizing the empties. That sober.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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