The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
