Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
