How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
