we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
