Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
