How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
