My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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