guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
that may or may not have been my penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
