Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Found your dick twin last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
