dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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