What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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