Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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