They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
