And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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