Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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