billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Vodka?
Forever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
