At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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