hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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