OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
