apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
