Say something about gay babies.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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