I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
