i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
