So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
