Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
