I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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