Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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