They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
